Insecurities
by li ross
Summary: Random scene. Oz founds his already-a-boyfriend Gil after an exhausting day, but his mood isn't quite the one he would have expected. Just an idea that crossed my mind, you may tell me how I did :  Rated T for imaginable reasons.
1. Insecurities

*Break mode on* My oh my! *Break mode off* I've been absent so long from Pandora Heart's fandom it's a shame. I swear it was never my intention, but… *random excuses about tiredness and a mess of a personal life*. Luckily I've been recovering from my abstinence lately, fanfics you've–thanks God- uploaded during my absence and everything, and even got to work a little myself! Finally… Okay, so I've got a shame of a number of stories uploaded, but I'm continuing on the on-long-story that's draining all m y brains and inspiration so there's my excuse.

This is just a little short story that came up to me during a conversation with my bf –you wouldn't believe how things actually were… - and just decided to give it a try while I rested from hours of re-reading and correcting the first chapter of my other story. I'm not sure as to how well I've finally done, but I'd love to hear you opinions. Kind of finished it in a hurry, but still… It could be continued or something, just you tell me, any advice will be gladly received.  
>Btw, I'm seriously sorry for any horrible mistake on my writing, English's my beloved 2nd language but I'm a little out of practice as regards writing, so… Yeah, I'll shut up and let you read peacefully.<p>

Thanks already for coming all the way here to read this

Btw, read from chapter 46 onward today's morning (I had no clue which had been the last chapter I'd read, around 60), so I just decided to reread al the latest ones, for there's never enough Pandora Hearts, an well, I'm still about to cry –not literally, but my heart pained, honestly. And I've somehow realized I turned all my hatred towards Vincent into love. Ok, just wanted to share that, now let's get to the story before you punch me) )

**Insecurities**

Yawning wide and free after a quite boring class he's been forced to attend, the young heir to the Vessalius house made his way into one of the many fine spare rooms of the Rainsworth mansion, only to find the object of most his daily thought in there.

- Say Gil! I'm so lucky I found you before I could even realise I was about to start looking for you, am I not?

For an only answer, he saw golden shocked eyes turning towards him, and slowly start to soothe as their owner recognised exactly which person had just entered the room he was at. However, Oz would have expected his face to enlighten more after his having calmed down.

Anyway, he simply decided to take it as a hint of his little Gil (even if the man was about 9 year older, technically) not having a very lovely day and gaily approached his adorable recently found lover until the distance between them was nowhere above a foot. Generally, by this point, the raven-haired young adult would already have attempted to at least embrace him and give him a few kisses or make their way to a seat so that the height difference would be alleviated. Once more he found much to his surprise that Gil wasn't reacting as he was expected. Instead, his couple contented himself (or not) with kissing him once, effortlessly, and look at him exhaustedly for a second before he shifted his pupils to simply stare into nothing, beyond the point where Oz stood at the moment, before him.

- Gil?

- Uh, oh… Yeah, wanna take a sit?

Mm… Sure?

Finding Gil's behaviour more awkard each time, Oz still decided to simple turn on his heels and head towards the sofa located across the room, in front of them. As many times before, they sat close from each other and Oz took the chance to steal some butterfly kisses from Gil's lips as they sat, to which Gil smiled shyly for a moment. 

- So, tell me – Oz continued after a second or two – How was your day?

- Mm… It was ok, I guess – The looks on gil's features as he mumbled his answer gave Oz a good clue that he was getting nearer to the source of all this unexpected angst in huis beloved's expression.

- What did you do, then? – He asked with his best "excited child" looks on.

- As always, paperwork, getting alond with Pandora's madness, tea with Sharon and later Break insisted on mehelping him retrain now that his sight isn't working quite as well as it used to do…

Jackpot, there was the "I'm not so comfortable" glimpse Oz had been expecting. Getting closer to his lover until he could hug him around his upper waist, he encouraged him to continue retelling.

- so how is he doing? – He asked, careful as not to go to far and pull a string that would leave his piece of sunshine unguarded and broken, believing Break's condition was the reason on his preoccupation.

Break? Oh, he's doing fine. Great, in fact. He could even run a good half of a mile as he toyed around during combat.

- Really? He ran away?

- Yeah… no… I mean, he wasn't running away-. You could call it a strategy if he had been able to stop playing and take it seriously...

Oz stared at Gil for a while trying to decode the real meaning behind those words, but even before he could get to an end, the new Nightray heir went on. 

-I tried to follow but… I must admit it was a miserable attempt.

-Ccme on Gil, it was simple running half a mile. With your strength…

- Oh you have no idea how loose and lazy my muscles have become. It's a shame, really. I can't believe I'm in such bad shape… 

He didn't mean it seriously

-…. Do you?

- I do, it felt so disgusting to find myself so lanky and made of fat instead of the muscles I should have…

What… What a useless servant you've found yourself…

- Gil, don't be silly, you're in great shape!

- Oh you don't have a clue… - He answered harshly, looking away from those emerald eyes that could posses him completely if he let them. Oz couldn't help disagreeing.

- Really Gil, you look great! – Oz exclaimed, placing both hands on the sides of Gils body.

Said raven couldn't but get up and face the opposite wall, embracing himself with his arms defensively.  
>Oz certainly couldn't believe this had been worrying Gil so much, less when the blond was sure to believe he was in amazing shape and pretty much fit, his body so inviting, warm and safe… Still, apparently, his lover was suffering his good amount due to his believing in the fact he wa s not in the good shape he ought to have.<br>Slowly, he got up and started approaching the other male, his hands spread before him, in an attempt to hug him.  
>Gil only sunk more into himself, so full of sorrow and some poisonous self-criticism.<p>

Finally, Oz reached him. 

- Gil… How come you feel this way? I mean… - Oz started worriedly, as he ran his arms around the apparently older male's body.

- You have no idea. You're way to good to even think about it but, sincerely, if you'd felt the way my legs weighed as I tried to move today you would be hitting me with some weapon so that I'd eat less and run more…

- Or I'd be telling you I've got more reasons to be right and to simply be happy with this gorgeous body… - Oz replied tenderly but mischievous, as he ran a few finger over the other's chest.

- You have no idea! – Gil shouted, out of control for only a second – I… I… I'm sorry Oz I didn't mean to… It's just… - Gil's voice broke at the middle of the sentence. For a few seconds, everything remained silent as Gilbert sadly denied stopping glaring at the floor, until Oz's light ministrations on his body reached his quite flat belly and he felt the urge to draw back…

- Gil… I…

- I'm sorry I just… I wanna be good enough for you, Bocchan and… -Oz's brain almost stopped right then and there, almost shocked at how helpless and broken his beloved raven looked right now, just like the first time he'd met him as a little and fearful, amnesic kid. And all for such a reason as he would have never imagined! With a little struggle, he could force his attention back on his servant's words while he was still speaking – Young Master's so amazing and I…

- Gil, please stop. – Oz called with serious concern.

Gil looked as if he wanted to respond, though he found himself unable to set forth any reasonable phrase. Looking into his eyes, Oz could read the words "Please save me" clearly burnt on his distressed irises. Upset, he hid himself behind golden bangs as he mentally punished himself for not having done anything to help his lover on this matter before, pr even have a clue about which insecurities haunted his self-doubting mind. Gilbert, who was always aware of his feelings, always looking for him, always…  
>Meanwhile, Gil could never stop cursing himself for troubling his master and most valued person due to being unable of making himself worth of his love… <p>

-Oz… - He seemed to plead with his voice, longing for the blonde's joy to return to him, on whatever price.

Oz did finally look up, though he still looked solemnly serious. Abruptly he interrupted his servants only word.

- Gil.

Said person looked at him worriedly and guiltily as Oz spread his arms before him. Stabbing his emerald eyes into Gil, he gave a few steps forwards, slowly. Eventually, his eyes softened, and became more of a request for permission. As Gil hesitated when he kept on approaching, Oz insisted, almost whispering.

- Gil… Please?

With a sad look Gilbert sighed and made his mind up as to let his master do as he wanted and face consequences. Everything was better than that look full of anguish.  
>Delicately, Oz's finger began walking up Gilbert's chest, beginning at his belly button, to end up setting calmly above his shoulders, while followed by Oz's eyes. Looking deeply into Gil's, Oz began taking his jacket off. Gilbert simply surrendered, and soon heard the heavy piece of clothing land with a loud "thump" over the wooden floor. Oz's fingers, then, returned to the middle of his chest and began toying with his shirt's collar, to eventually begin undoing one button after the other.<br>- - …Please, Gilbert? – He shyly begged, though never stopping…  
>The Nightray's only answer was to look over to one side and let his beloved one do.<p>

Patiently, Oz kept on unlocking one button after the other, until the white, much lighter fabric was fully set free, and once more slid it down Gilbert's arms, this time caressing as much of his skin as he could while he did so, and getting his own chest to touch Gil's.

This done, he placed a few kisses on Gilbert's neck as the other timidly placed his adult hands on both sides of Oz's body, the latter one clinging to his neck. After the kissing, Oz reopened his eyes and waited to meet golden orbs. Paying full attention to their signals, he stepped back once so that he'd gain better view of the body right before him. Obtaining grander courage, he tenderly grabbed Gil's waist and began sliding his hands from there onwards to Gil's sides, admiring.  
>Honestly, he found no rational excuse to Gil's insecurities. It was true, his belly wasn't completely flat but had a slight altitude which made even more delicious than it would have been if not. After all, everyone needed a little meat on their body's beyond bones and a thin layer of muscle. It was more, he couldn't help considering Gil's slight prominence something astonishingly cute and lovable. Moving on, he continued to admire the man's fit, well-but-not-exceedingly toned body. Suddenly, Gilbert swallowed hard, making the slightest of sounds, and Oz remembered his being there consciously. Right away, he stepped on his toe-tips and hung on tu his neck, slowly whispering into Gilbert's ear:<p>

- Gil, you're beautiful, don't ever doubt that. I could never think of a more handsome guy, really, and less if you add the fact you're heart was made of pure gold.

Said that, Gil surrounded him with his arms and hugged him strongly, as if wanting to show his master how indispensable he was for him to keep ion living, and kisses him deeply.

Suddenly, an idea struk Oz's mind, as he once more approached his beloved Nightray.

- Gil… - He called once more, though this time, his tone sounded different, more… inviting.

- O- Oz?

Without further response, Oz claimed Gilbert's lips, smoothly, and slowly begun increasing his pace, as he bit Gil's lower lip, slightly pulling towards him again and again. He almost automatically felt Gil's hands grabbing his waist, and, decided to prove the other one how he admired his whole being, Oz held his head between his fingers, entwining them in the evony strands he so-adored. His tongue gracefully requested for Gil's pale lips to part and conquered, little by little, his adored mouth. They began to dance in a hot, sensual ball of want and love. On a moment, Oz's lip ventured under Gil's upper one, and graced that portion of his most beloved one from side to side. Turned on, Gilbert found his opportunity to recover some dominance, which Oz gave up on quite easily. Taking advantage on Gil's new found concentration, and responding eagerly with small caresses and sucking between their tongues, he started walking backwards, dragging Gil along, until he felt the Sofa's arm behind his knees and let himself fall backwards, quite surprising Gil, who looked at him searching for an explanation.

- Oz…?

However, he could only find giggles for an answer, as Oz clung to his shirt and pulled himself up, so that he was still in between Gil's thighs, but sitting to reach his eye-level. Golden orbs scanned his face, still stunned, so he felt it a right moment to speak his minds…

- I just love you, Gil.

Even after having heard those words many times by now, Gil's face still blushed a little, and he felt the need to answer by kissing hungrily Oz's lips, until the blonde's hand pushed him backwards in the gentlest of ways. In those green eyes, there was a change, a much more… serious way, almost of… lust.

Oz shifted even more on top of Gil, spreading his hands all over the other's frame, taking his chance to explore and feel every inch of his skin, eyes closed.

Suddenly, he felt a soft whimper from the other male, and couldn't help feeling unbelievably aroused by one single sound. Addictive. He needed to hear more of it.

Desire taking over him, he rapidly discarded his own vest and shirt to one side. Then unhurriedly, as if suddenly controlled by the spirit of carefulness itself, he slid his hands trough all of the taller man's chest, until he finally reached his nipples.

Laughing almost devilishly, he began enjoying this newfound toy, obtaining all kinds of whimpers, sighs and soft moans from the other.

- Ah, ah! Oz… Hmh…

He got braver, bending down to kiss, lick and bite at Gilbert's chest, as he barely gathered the composure to extend his hands and start caressing Oz's head and back. He even started worrying about how further the teen would desire to go. It wasn't like he didn't want it, or was afraid (I mean, he wasn't completely carefree about the fact, still he felt confident enough at that at least) yet his beloved master was still trapped in the body of a 15 years old, and quite full of insecurities. Thus, he was sure he wouldn't have been so happy-go-lucky at nearly ripping his clothes off if he hadn't been so lost in the moment. After all, they hadn't been in this kind of relationship for so long, even if, regarding his master, time wasn't at all something to regard, but he didn't want Oz to ever regret something they did, not something like that at least, and such an impulsive decision…

His weak thought line was interrupted the moment he realized the blonde's ministrations had ceased, and he was even more shocked once he realized small portions of water falling over his chest. He combed Oz's sweaty bangs backwards over his head to discover his eyes fixed on that scar. That hasty scar he had gotten on the despicable night his piece of sunshine had been taken away from him.

- Oz – He called.

Oz was frozen at the spot. He couldn't help his blood from going sub-zero at the sight he was now awae of- Somehow, he had been able to ignore it's existence before, probably to concentrated in erasing his servants hurtful thoughts, but now he could witness it. He could make out everything in that single mark right before him: his fathers hatred, the Baskervilles, his time in the Abyss, and specially the certainty that he'd probably killed his beloved little servant and best friend, for being such an useless master. Even at the moment, having come back to find Gil an healthy adult, he couldn't understand how he'd survived, or why he wouldn't hate him deeply…

- Oz! – Gil almost screamed, grabbing his head to avert those watery eyes he loved from such an insignificant issue he wished he could erase, making them meet his. If there was something he regretted, was not being able to wipe out that scar from his chest, for it was nothing but a burden for his master. – Oz, please, it's not your fault. Come on, answer… Please, Oz!

More tears kept on draining down the Vessalius heir's cheeks, as he muttered words of self-loathe and resentment.

- Oz, look at me. Oz, look. – Finally he could catch the blonde's attention. – I don't care about that incident. I don't care whether you failed at trying to protect me, it was not your fault, so neither should you care. Please, don't cry. You're back now, I've got you here and I would never let them do such things again. I must be able to. I love you, please…

Os hugged Gil as if both their life's depended on that, and simply whispered an "I love you, too, Gil. Thank you… for everything".  
>After all, their best ability and purpose was to look after each other.<p> 


	2. Preocupation

Ok, so here's the unexpected (at elast for me) chapter 2. I honestly wouldn't have imagine I'd continue this when I first wrote it but even one review could convince me to do so as long as I can thinks of how to make the stroy advance, so here you are.

I hope it's not s pity of a story, the chpter's title surely is, yet I had no idea how to name it but wouldn't feel satisfied by just naming it "Insecurities ch. 2"

I surely took a long time to upload. This has been written since days ago but I was waiting to have at least some parts of chapter 3 before publishing, then –even with chapter three half written I didn't upload because of Ffiction problems uploading the file and because of laziness (shame on me) until I went out of town and so… But now I've finally gotten to correct this. I'll be doing my best to force me into writing something else of chapter three (I'd love to believe I can actually finish it) tomorrow, though probably during the night, I'll be out most of the day –or all of it.

Anyway, I really hope this is enjoyable enough. I'm not very good at writing developing plots, I rather describe static scenes, but I must balance a little. I should keep on writing for the long-story I'm working on since way too long ago too, someday…

So, I'll shut up, on with the story.  
>Enjoy!<p>

Insecurities – 2: Preocupation

Standing there, in the middle of his room and just holding Oz, Gil could only describe himself as content. It felt as if, for that moment, he could be in good terms with the whole, entire world, without so much as any other care.

Suddenly, though, a voice had to interrupt their moment as the familiar sound called out Gilbert's name in a sing-song voice while approaching, though they had no idea from which direction.

Oz gave a sour groan as they reluctantly parted from their embrace to start looking in every direction for the producer of such a sound, until finally his messy white-haired skull popped from under the bed.

- Oh! So finally we've found this lazy fugitive, haven't we, Emily? And look, there's Oz with him too!

- Break! May I know for how long you've been there playing Boogie-man? – Gilbert asked a bit pissed by the man's creepy habits.

- Wow, why Gil? – He asked, playing an angelical appearance - Is there something you wish I have missed?

As he spoke on, his features adapted to a rather mischievous look.

- They were misbehaving! – Chimed the doll on his shoulder.

Gilbert only sighed, convincing himself once more that, no, Break would never, ever, change, no matter for how long they'd know each other.

- So, Break… what is it exactly that brought you here now?

- Oh, well… They sent me to look for you… But if you were getting all worked up in here I could go and tell them you're too busy fuc…

Break! Just talk clearly for once… By 'they' you mean…?

Oh, other Pandora members, of course… There's this meeting at the Nightray mansion today… And you are requested there. – He answered, putting special emphasis to the "you - requested - there" part.

- All right… guess I'll have to go then… Anything else?

- Mm, not really… Oh, by the way, perhaps you'd like to send someone wash your underwear later in case you spoil all your clean sets…

- That's enough! Break! If you're so very anxious to leave, feel free to do so… - Responded Gilbert, so very eager to push the clown out of his chamber.

- Oh, Emily, seems like they won't invite us to their party… Perhaps we shall go… And have a look from somewhere else… - he made sure this last sentence would be heard before leaving, just to mortify Raven.

- Urgh, don't know what I'll be doing with him… - Gil admitted, defeated, as he turned towards his beloved master once again. – You've been rather quiet – He added.

- So you're leaving tonight?

- Seems like I'll have to. Does it bother you?

- Uh? No, no , of course. – Oz smiled freshly, even if he was partly lying – Though… Shouldn't I go too? If it involves Alice or… - a part of him was seriously worried about this matter, even if Gil's featherlike touches in his neck were making it difficult for him to think straight.

- I doubt so. It's not like any real authority is coming. It probably will be Break, Liam and me with some low-rank agents, assembling the way chores will be divided among each of us, with Liam and me getting 2ble work so that Break's disabilities will go totally unnoticed. Sometimes I can't believe how he stands him, but I guess he has his reasons – Gil commented, smiling lovingly at Oz as he examined a strand of golden hair he'd picked from his face and now held within his fingers. – Anyway, it would certainly be a better employment of your time to do whatever you feel like doing and dine here peacefully with Lady Sharon and you uncle… If Alice will stay calmed, that is – he added, laughing slightly.

- And what if I feel like spending y time with you…

- I doubt we'll be able to enjoy at all at the meeting.

- Well you've got a point there. Perhaps I could stay, as it seems you don't want me to rock your carriage there… I guess I'll have to wait here and think about how I'll welcome you back. – Oz answered, his tone sending warm shivers down Gil's spine. A glimpse of their recent "encounter" at one of the 2nd floor rooms…

- Something that's caught your attention, Gil?

Uh? Oh, no, just… Ok, then I guess I should get ready to leave by… Wait, what time did Break say I had to be there?

-Umm… I recall he didn't?

- Geez, that clown…

And speeking of Rome… 

-Gil-kun?

- Break! You idiot, what time's the meeting? And whatever are you doing here again?

- Oh, nothing, I simply thought it better to let you know… The meeting is at six.

You guessed, the time at which Break pronounced this words was seconds before the clock decided the time would be a quarter to six. Gil looked at the clock, half choking as he realized he was already delayed, the Nightray's mansion being at least 30 minutes far by horseback if you mistreated the animal, as he shouted at his partner. 

- You moron, how am I supposed to make it on time? However are you going to make it on time?

- Oh I wouldn't worry so much about me, but rather about you, dear Raven, though I appreciate how considerate you are. I can travel quite fast this way – Break answered, before disappearing through the wardrobe at which he'd made his appearance. – That's quite a way of expressing his concern, is it not, Emily? Calling someone a moron… - he dropped before leaving, just to infuriate Gilbert a little more.

- Guess you'd better hurry? – Oz suggested with an "it's ok, don't panic" smile as he chastely kissed his beloved one on the lips. – I'll be waiting. 

During the whole night, Gil could never forget the expression on Oz's features as he pronounced those words. At least for the time he was conscious…

Sunlight stroke through half open curtains and into Gil's bedroom, shining upon his eyelids until it finally got him to wake up the following morning. Annoyed, he tried to shift and move away, until he found himself falling backwards into the pillow as a loud pain hit his head from the inside while he complained.

- Gil! You woke up! How are you feeling?

In a moment, he had Oz all over him, staring with wide eyes.

- Oz? What… Where…? – Still quite dull due to grogginess, he tried to focus on what was happening around him but found it hard to explain himself what was going on.

- You don't remember. You were attacked…

I… - Gilbert made an effort to sit, lifting himself at least enough to get on top of 2 large pillows before Oz could react and try to help him. Slowly, sleep was drawing back and letting his brain star full-engines-on once again. Timidly, images from hours before started to creep into his mind – I remember being at the meeting, quite as boring as always and suddenly, a wall was blown by some chain. The next thing I know there was raven and Break kept on trying to suicide…

Oz ran his fingers through black, cluttered strands of soft hair tenderly. Breathing in, he started his explanation.

- According to what Liam has told me, you were at the meeting just as you said, when suddenly an illegally-contracted chain who was out of control attacked the exact room where you all were, perhaps attracted by your chains's presences. It was seven against one, yet it was a strong chain, and the novices got all terrified, so they started running around if complete panic, helping the enemy other than their allies. Liam got the March Hare to leave them unmoving, but it's effect affected him too so he was unable to do much more than stare horrified from then on. You drew Raven out so that he'd destroy the illegal chain. However, Break insisted in helping, so you had to fight him too and you hit each other until you left him out cold –for his own sake. The chain's contractor had his clock almost full by that time, so soon enough the Abyss opened beneath it's… feet? And started swallowing it, with Raven's help. The thing definitely didn't want to leave this world. In the struggle, one of the unconscious novices almost fell into the hellish well too, so you had to pull him out, not coming out unharmed. At least Raven could destroy the chain while it was being dragged back, so it will never come back and bother again, but you ended quite worn out…

- Oh, so… How are the others?

- The novices, I dare say, had it quite cheap, excepting the one who almost fell into that place – a chill shook Oz's frame at the thought of his past experiences – Break has quite the bruise in his forehead, and I bet he'll be taking revenge as soon as it is not immoral of him to do so… Oh! And he got quite the scold from Lady Sharon too, but he's ok. Reim was in bed until some hours ago, when he told me what had happened. In the end you were the only one to get seriously hurt… - As Oz finished his parliament, his voiced tracked off, and darkened, as he hid his eyes behind his bangs. Out of the blue, he slapped Gilbert across his face.

- Oz!

- You idiot! You got me really worried. You were there facing death while I read some "Holy Knight" pages until I got tired enough to sleep. All because of a lowly chain. – Oz nearly jumped forward, lying above his servant's chest - ignoring the bandages that crossed his body – and hugged him like he was holding his life in his hands.

Gil's hand softly landed on his head as he cursed himself for hurting his master's feelings.

- O… Oz, I-I'm sorry… I… I just had to… I wish I wasn't'…

- I know… Hey Gil! Know what? – Oz started, completely changing the mood and smiling to his servant in that 'Everything's all right, I don't mind' way he knew all-too-well.

Gil just sighed and smiled at Oz.

- Mm… I guess I don't?

- The doctor said you probably would have to be fed on, for you should not move your right arm… - Oz waited for a second so that Gil could understand his meaning by himself before he burst out – So I'm going to have to spoon-feed you, Gil!

The Nightray heir couldn't but blush and look away at such statement, though, if being asked honestly, would have had to admit he wasn't that displeased at the idea. It was almost… provocative.

Coming to think about it, he did feel a little bit hungry by the moment, though not that much…

- Mhm… So I guess I have no right for an opinion here, no way out of this.

- I think you quite know that. I think, in fact – murmured Oz, while cradling over Gil until his lips where dangerously close to one another's – that you quite _love_ that.

Yet the Raven knew better than to argue against his dazzling master. Rather he chose to simply crash his mouth against younger lips with whatever mobility was left for him. His free arm lifted, letting his left hand take a hold on Oz's nape's hairs firmly –always making himself sure he would not hurt his beloved one.

Their tongues danced against each other's warmly. Oz, almost unconsciously, poured all this former worries into the motion, as he held his best friend's head in between his hands firmly, as to never let go. Gil, on his side, simply felt his unending love and attachment increased the little bit they needed to be as to grow beyond infinite. If anything, they surely loved each other as far as the current situation would let them, until Oz's mind was hurried back into reality by a gentle knock at the door, soon after followed elegantly by Lady Sharon Rainsworth's words.

- Dear Oz? Are you still in there? We wanted to let you know we'll be having dinner soon, so the chief maid has asked whether you would like to dine before or after Gil's dinner is ready.

They parted unwillingly as she spoke, eyes still full of longing, until Gil's look was replaced by one of surprise and Oz decided to answer Sharon's gentle attentions. This didn't mean he would even open the door, anyway. 

- Thank you indeed, Sharon, but I think I'll leave you for today's dinner and have mine up here too… If you will excuse me, that is.

- Oh, of course. Very well indeed, then I will let the service know right away.

Their "ambiguous" relationship was already a fact for almost everybody who spent their time close enough to them, therefore Sharon didn't find the kind of distant, careless answer she received an offence, but rather smiled comprehensively and walked away contentedly.

- Oz… - Started Gilbert once the mansion's lady had parted.

- Yes?

- Exactly… Exactly what time is it?

Oz blushed a little at the question. He had forgotten to rightly set in time and space his formerly unconscious friend.

- Well, I guess it shall be around… 5?

- Already? So I… I've been out all this time?

- Yes, kind of… You enjoyed giving me the fright, you know…

- Oz… - Repentance visited his golden orbs once more, but Oz hurried to speak up again.

- Anyway…. The doctor also said you should sleep and rest as much as possible, so… Seeing dinner won't be ready for a while, you should take the chance and have some rest – Gil parted his lips as to talk, still his master caught him on time – and no, nothing about that 'I'm not tired', that excuse you used with Misses Kate when we were children and you wanted to stay and read Holy Knight aloud for me just because I had asked you to. Even I used it myself! So don't try to trick me with my very own scam. Sleep Gil – Now his expression turned to one of more serious gravity – Really, you need it. I can see that much.

I'll go take a bath, and I'll be back I time to give you your dinner, so don't get too comfortable – He finished, smiling warmly.

Raven's contractor couldn't but melt a little at that smile and watch his master walk away with enough determination. He would have complained; however, he did actually feel somewhat tired.


	3. Chapter 3

Ok, so after struggling with this chapter for a long while I've finally uploaded this. Hope it's likeable. Anything else to say? I wish you enjoy his, I'll keep on trying to draw Vincent decently now…

**Insecurities – 3: Dreamy**

Oz had been in his room for a while already when he finally decided upon dumping his clothes on the floor or bed – that's to say, wherever they'd fall when he tossed them apart- and, having tested the temperature moments ago to be sure it was still comfortable, sunk into his bathtub, head full of dark recollections.

He felt the water slowly crawl up his skin, with half a second's difference in between the moment it actually touched his light skin and the moment when he felt the almost tickling sensation the contact produced. Taking in the feeling, he went all the way down until he was laying on his back at the tub's bottoms, then bent his knees so that his head would descend further so that water would grace the short hair at the back of his head. He let a deep sigh escape him.

Honestly, he felt exhausted. Sharon had been adroit enough not to wake him up before Gil had already been checked over and all his most serious wounds, bandaged. However, the noises produced by all agitation the disgraceful new had released soon had waked him up, and since then he had spent most of his time looking after his beloved one. Even when the maids had come up to change either his bandages (for the first one's had turned useless soon after being applied) or his sheets, he had insisted on observing and helping whenever he could, even if his 15-year-old body wasn't all the useful it could have been. Memories from their recent conversation haunted his mind. He hadn't been there for Gil ten years ago, when Oz himself had caused him damage, so now he wanted to pay back as much as he could, even if standing by his side was all that he could do.

Once again, Gil had escaped from a deadly situation only miraculously, and he hadn't been there to help him. What if one of these days he… (Oz mentally stuttered at this dreadful thought)…what if one of this days, Gil didn't come off on time and all right? What if he lost him again? It would be like being thrown into the Abyss once more, or worse, because at that time he would know this was not just a nightmare from which he could eventually escape with the help of a chain like Alice, but rather an eternal torture, having to live without the only person he could honestly trust no matter what.

The blonde 25 year old man trapped inside of a teen's body toyed with the water drops in his fingers as he went over this thoughts over and over again. He couldn't help the multiple glass spires nailing at his heart. He kept on blaming himself for all the suffering in his servant's life. Perhaps if they hadn't found him, or if he hadn't grown too attached to Oz, he would have been able to escape all this pain and dangers emerging round each corner he walked. Perhaps, only perhaps, he would have had a normal, tranquil life, adopted by any sweet family in the city.

Then again, he remembered the children at The House of Fianna and shivers run down his spine. For some seconds he submerged his whole head under the body and rushed his fingernails through his head to get his golden strands wet.

_How come the world is like this? How come he… they could suffe3r so much just because of foolishly falling in love? If he'd never met Gil…_

He caught himself identifying those dangerous thoughts. He could not break down right now. Not only could he not let anybody else see his weakness, but he could not let it grow, for Gilbert might find it anyway. He could see right through his soul in a way that almost would have frightened Oz, had he not known Gil the way he did. Besides, his promise of protecting his servant as a rightful master should. No, he needed to be strong, for Gil. For if he couldn't stand for himself, how would he stand for Gilbert? He should be his reason, just as Alice had been for him to exit the Abyss. He remembered her words, "If you think too much of what you've lost, you will only end up hungry"*. She must be right. He had lost many years with Gil, and may end up losing even more if they didn't manage to gather Alice's memories on time and get an answer through them; therefore, he'd better make the best of whatever time together they had left, before it was all over again and for good. He rather should thank being able to hold such a beautiful relationship with the person he'd loved for God knows how long.

He finished his bath not paying too much attention. After all, he'd gotten into the water more for therapy than because of a real need. His spirits and body were worn out, so he tried to cool himself a little before facing those bright golden gemstones again and letting them scan his every feeling.  
>Getting back to his chambers, he picked his clothes up and decided on wearing them again, after an undergarments exchange. After all, he'd only worn them today while sitting besides Raven, and it would be only some hours before he'd be taking the off again, so why give more work to the maids by getting yet another set of clothes insignificantly dirty?<p>

As he changed back into his clothes, he received a visit from Alice, who expressed her hunger as well as questioned him on why his servant was uselessly chained down to a bed instead of being o any use,. That way Oz discovered she had only the minimum of knowledge about recent events and gently updated her, until he realized it was already quite late thanks to his clock's chime, after which he sent her down to have her dinner with the rest, explaining why he would be absent.

- What a disappointing manservant, dinner will be quite boring then, and the stupid clown will be more than bothersome with me now that he's not at the table to tease… Why did that seaweed-head have to get hurt?

Oz just smiled lovingly at her rants. He knew she didn't really mean that but had no better way of showing how she'd missed them.

- Yeah, I hope he will get better soon too, Alice – Oz commented, glancing at the floor.

- Whatever. I'm hungry – Commented said girl before bursting out of the room and down to the dining-room. She wasn't that surprised anyway, she had quite foreseen the relationship between her manservant and the seaweed-head before even they did. It was so evident. It was ok for her anyway, after all, even if Oz was the only friend she had right then, she would be with him only as long as it was useful for her finding her memories.

Oz giggled at little at her comment, and accompanied her down the first set of stairs in their way to the dining room, went past the kitchen to make sure both his dinner and Gil's would be delivered soon and finally returned to his loyal servant's bedroom, hoping to find him asleep.

Ever so carefully, the blond opened the door and approached the bed silently, seeing his wish made true... Only it wasn't. After gifting him with the chance to admire such lovely, peaceful features for a few seconds, golden eyes shone from behind dark eyelids, automatically focusing their attention on him. Primarily taken aback by the surprise, he soon relaxed once he saw _Giru-kun_'s gentle smile directed towards him, as the tall man made his best to get to a sitting position on the cushioned bed.

- Hey… - Was the first word to escape his lips, until he remembered why he'd expected his friend –his lover- to be asleep. – Wa…. Wait! Shouldn't you have been sleeping? Have you stayed awake all this time?

- Not really, I woke up some minutes ago and was just thinking some stuff over…

- Like what?

- Just nonsense, I wasn't all that consciously hustled or anything…

- So you were not a hustle? – Oz asked, mockingly.

- Oz!

Ook, sorry, it was a bad joke, I know… But I like your face when you get like that, Gil… Or rather I always like your face… - He approached and set one knee over the king-sized bed, achieving a little blush to tint the cheeks of the man before him.

Never mind their state, a polite knock on the door interrupted them then and there, announcing it was time to have dinner… Or at least to receive it from one of the maids.

Oz got up and made sure to have the silver kitchen cart properly set aside where it would not bother before sending the servant away politely enough. Climbing back onto the bed and straddling Gil slightly as he set his smaller body over the black haired man's one, he went on with his teasing, if only to enjoy the fact his beloved Nightray was back, healthily enough.

- Say Gil… - He whispered an inch away from thinner lips – are you hungry?

Gilswallowed hardly, until his stomach's rumbling finally reminded him he hadn't eaten anything in the last… 20 hours? Perhaps more, he wasn't sure. Oz seemed to acknowledge said reality too, for he soon quitted his games (not before giving his cute dear Raven one last bite of proper teasing) so that he would be able to bring their dinner close to the bed.

Firstly, the adopted Nightray's servant-nature took over him (as every time he was with his so beloved master). However, Oz's incredulous "you're not being serious, are you?" expression when he commented it wasn't proper for him to take dinner in bed silenced him. He somehow expected the blonde to carry a chair to the side of the bed and settle there with his food try – even if he'd also insisted on the fact his master should be dining first (no need to say once again he was muted by someone under the name Vessalius). Yet in spite of Gilbert's assumptions, Oz had a different idea.

The teen set both food trays on the cart along with the tea kettle they had been provided with and set it as close to the opposite side of the bed as he could. Taking off his vest and shoes, he climbed onto the bed, sat next to his loved one as said other male stared, guessing what Oz was up to, kissed him hurriedly and finally got to the chore of bringing Gil's tray down onto his lap, starting to spoon feed him with enough amusement.

- You could as well feed yourself, you know? I'm kind of afraid you may eat me if you remain hungry… - Joked Gil, at least somewhat embarrassed.

Yet the lusty, devious look Oz shot at him after this comment made him regret his words.

- Oh but your face alone right now is delicious enough, you know?

Gil blushed as an only answer, so Oz went on.

- Besides, how are you planning to eat without your arm being able to move properly?

- I've been on missions before, you know? I mean, it's not the first time something like this happens, and I've been able to handle I quite well before…

As his love's features were overcome by gloom and regret, Raven's contractor realized his word's meaning and immediately regretted.

- Oz…

- Yes? – Here came the instantaneous, falsely-cheerful smile. – What is it Gil?

- I' m sorry.

- For what? – Still on with his mask, Gil couldn't help hating every second his master was not honest with him. Why'd he have to face everything alone? Even now… Seeing as the other was once more silent, Oz went on. – Everything's fine Gil.

The latter one simply sighed and brushed his fingers down Oz's cheek.

After a few awkward moments, their chat continued whenever Gil's mouth was not too busy chewing as to answer, until he was satisfied, not having finished his plate. This alarmed Oz who inquired on the matter an good amount of times, but ended up giving into Gil's resolute answer, and started at his own share. Once finished, he grabbed both trays and set them aside so that they would not bother again, soon after returning to his place next to Gilbert, who groaned.

- What's wrong?

- I'm sick of being still and lying here, my legs need moving around…

- Doctor said you should remain in a resting position until he said so. He'll be returning tomorrow morning, so take the chance to regain your energies and probably tomorrow you'll be able to walk around again…

-Urgh…

Oz hugged him more tightly and Gil's expression softened.

-Ok… I guess I'll have to spend time until then… - Trying to leave his disturbance aside, Gil smiled candidely at Oz, who's cheeks had begun to paint themselves redish. Noticing this, he called for the both older and younger one's attention – Oz…?

-Ma… May I – Raven's eyebrows lifted as he tried to understand what was going on inside his companion's mind, until he blurted words out – May I stay here?

-Uhm… Aren't you doing so?

- No, I mean… for the night.

- Oh, well… You sure won't feel more comfortable in your own room?

Oz shook his head, too embarrassed for words. Ok, then… Alright, stay… If that's truly what you wish.

- You don't mind? Does it not bother you?

- How come you would bother me? As long as you're comfortable, I mean…

- Thanks

After a moment's consideration, an idea crossed Gilbert's mind.

- Hey… - He whispered in a cheerful way.

- Yes? – Oz had hardly ever heard his servant use that voice, so confident and happy, but he had a good feeling about it.

- Remembered what you said before?

Well, this didn't sound as well; rather his words scared him, yet there was a nice smile gracing the black-haired man's lips.

- Mm… -That you may be a hustle?

- No! – Cried affectedly Raven's contractor. – I - I mean when you told me to sleep…

- That you shouldn't excuse yourself like a baby?

- Yes! – Oz looked at him incredulously, about to burst out laughin – I mena, no, but… Yes! It's… it's about that!

Oz giggled and held Gil's head in between his hands, making an effort not to kiss him instead.

- Gil, wait. I can't understand a word of what you're saying!

I… I... – Seeing as this was not working out, Raven took a deep breath, calmed himself and organized his words in his mind before letting them out for his master. – Previously – He began – you talked about the excuses I used to tell Mrs. Kate when she sent us to sleep. – Oz stared blankly, still not getting what the point of all this was – and that I stayed up o read "Holy Knight" aloud for you…

As the blonde one was yet to get what he meant, Gil continued.

- Ok, look, open the drawer on the bedside table behind you.

A little surprised, Oz still did as he was told, and found, with more astonishment, a volume of the books. Particularly, the one following the last one he'd ever read.

His eyes glided to meet Gilbert's once again, questioningly.

- Come on, give a sign that your alive…

- You… You want to read to me?

- Unless you don't want me to… I could pay back for the times I didn't read you the story.

The thought that it was him who should actually be paying his servant back for all that time crossed the Vessalius's mind, but still he pretended it hadn't happened and kept a smile on his features.

- Mm… Okay then, let's be children – Oz laughed, denoting how infantile the action may seem. Not like any of them cared at all.

Somewhere in the middle, though, their lan turned into a make out session, almost naturally. Gil could feel heavenly blessed. That is, until horror found it way to his features.

In between his arms, he felt Oz stiffen, twitch and bend contortedly all at the same moment. As he drew back, the image his irises caught quickly drenched his mind in fearfulness and hurt. He felt shocked for a second.

There before hem, Oz clung at his chest, grasping his shirt at the level of his seal.

The approximate 5 seconds during which he could only stare helplessly felt like centuries for both of them, Raven feeling in his heart whatever pain Oz might be standing on his skin and flesh. Slightly beginning to take control of his body once again, Oz shot a terrified look off sorrow at him. The pain was gone rather quickly; unluckily, pain wasn't the most ghastly aftereffect.

Turning his thin frame towards him, Gilbert almost tore whatever of Oz's shirt was still in place, confirming what he feared the most, but had to admit as terribly likely to happen: His clock had moved onwards again.

He wanted to scream, cry, burn…. How had he let his master's life drain through his fingers so easily? He crushed their bodies together; holding him with the strength with which he would have liked to grasp Oz's remaining lifetime. Ho should have made a bigger effort with Raven, for God's sake…

He hadn't realized his own sobbing, nor the light moist on his back, until a broken, shy voice began calling his name ever-so-softly, and trembling fingers danced across his face.

- Gil…

Out of breath and any little shard of composure, though, Gilbert couldn't attempt an answer…

- I just…

- Gil, it's ok…

- It's not! Whatever a I supposed to do if I lose you? – He doubted he'd ever been able to form such a phrase out loud and clear; desperation seemed to be taking it's toll.

- I…

- You have no idea. It would… It'd be worse than dying. – Had anyone ever seen Raven so broken and straight-forward?

Then something clicked inside Oz's mind. He let them both fall backwards onto the mattress, guiding his weight to his back. His golden hair spread all over a pillow as he blankly looked at the ceiling, next he drifted his attention to golden eyes which eyed him in search for some bailout that would lead him from hopelessness.

Shockingly for Gil, Oz started laughing. Not the clear, shimy laugh he was used to hear coming from his beloved mster, but a rather dark, distressed one.

- Oz… - The name came out cracked, painful, lost. Why was his dear ray of sunshine laughing at a moment like that…

The young Vessalius heir moved his hands to carefully hold Gilbert's back and shoulder. Loking him in the eye meaningfully, he spoke:

- Now you know what I felt this morning…

*: I've re-translated this from the Spanish version of PH I read, so it might be quite different to what's in the English version –translator's licenses, you know -. Anyway, this corresponds to chapter 62, page 20, when Oz tries to *SPOILER UP NEXT* reveal everything he saw on Cheshire's dimension to Alice, but she refuses. Ok, enough made clear.

_Li Ross breaking in again: Ok, so the ending isn't exactly… "pleasing", but I think I should make that chance every once in a while. I'd never taken so many attempts to finish something this short! Hope my beloved GlassSpires is wrong when she sais whenever my personal life get's a little less messy my skills while vanish for a while. (She's a genious, though she writes in Spanish and doesn't share this fandom ).  
>As always, I am delightfully glad each time I can read your opinions about anything I write –or about anything else, honestly.<br>Have a beautiful life _


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